Laughter and Little Moments

"The first time your laughter unfurled its wings in the wind, we knew that the world would never be the same" - Brian Andreas. 

This Brian chap knew what he was talking about when he said that.

I heard JJ let out a little giggle for the first time this week. Its a feeling I cant describe. A laugh like I have never made came out of my mouth in return, whilst I looked around frantically for my wife (Who was making a shopping list at the time) to see if she heard. She didn't unfortunately. Damn Asda to hell!  

I sat there and tried to make him giggle again, but trouble was I don't even know what it was that made him giggle in the first place, so after 10 minutes JJ got bored of daddy pulling funny faces and stealing his nose and began to cry. 10 minutes is a long time in a babies world I am learning.

But that was it, one little moment. One little moment of a constant barrage of little moments that happen on a daily basis. Whether it is the boy holding himself up on his arms for a few seconds as I lie him down, or swiping his hand on the bottle to move it out of his mouth, the sound he makes when he is really hungry and latches onto a bottle (he reminds me of Gizmo from the Gremlins fame), Joshua voluntarily latching his hand onto my fingers, his vague attempts at making crawling motions, or my personal favorite, when he started sucking my nose. Little moments are everywhere.

All parents get the joys of these little moments, whether they notice them or not is up to them. It would be all too easy to ignore these "firsts" and concentrate on the obvious worries and complications that come with a baby with a cleft. Since the day he was diagnosed at 20 weeks old, I promised myself that I would try to never do that. I'm a positive person, I always try to see a glass half full (Its not my round then). I assured myself that this would be no different. I have stayed true to my word so far. This whole experience is too valuable to miss one single part.

As a parent of a child with a cleft it is far too easy to get caught up in the worry of operations, assessments, choking episodes, reflux and feeding complications. When actually, my thought on the matter is that it "is only a cleft".

Its not that bad, I genuinely don't think it is. And for most of us, we need to be thankful that we live in a country in which the medical facilities are such, that we can, and should, have that attitude as some are not so fortunate.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't get angry about the very rare double takes of strangers, worry about operations, about their future speech, about the prospects of the way other children might be cruel, we are parents, its our job. Im also not saying that we should just dismiss our childrens ailments as "nothing", they are of course deeply impactful on their own lives and ours.

I'm just saying that JJ is a child that has a cleft, but everything about him isn't just the cleft. I want him to grow up knowing that. I want him to be confident and happy in his own skin, and he wont do that if me and the wife treat him like he is different to any other little boy. 

I want him to smile and laugh and enjoy his own lifes little moments and I'm determined to make that happen. Cleft or no cleft.

There will be days where I feel anxious, and days where I wonder "Why JJ"? Days where I think its unfair, and days where I wish he could sleep a full 3 hours without being woken by reflux caused by his palate. Thats cool, I can deal with that. Im a dad now, worry and stress comes with the territory, cleft baby or no.

But having a child is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life, it is without a doubt the single best feeling ever. I don't want to lose sight of that.

So I enjoy the little moments and JJ suggests everyone else does too.