Thankful for Things (Heart Assessment)

You know, all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae. - Paul Walker

So Friday was the day that Joshua had his heart scan. Just in case you missed the post that detailed it, JJ was diagnosed with a heart murmur at his general check up and we needed a heart scan to determine what was causing it.

In regards to his lip assessment, I had spoken to a lot of people at work, my family, and my friends about it. Tried to get their take on it. You know, gauge their reaction, take stock of the situation, use people as a soundboard for my own feelings. Take their positive messages and feel better about the upcoming scan.

In regards to the heart scan, I told people it was happening and then didn't bring it up again. I buried it deep inside and tried to even forget it was happening. This scared me. It wasn't something cosmetic, it was potentially something that could impact Joshua's health and well-being in a serious and scary way.

I'm not a godly man. In fact I don't really believe there is one. 

But there I was, in the days before the scan, in my head praying to a god i didn't believe in. That's right. There I was, at night, in-my-head-requesting to a deity i have never asked before, to help me and mine out. Maybe deep down I do believe in a higher power, or maybe I'm just a hypocrite.

I have experiences of scans. At the 20 pregnancy week scan the nurse had flown by all the checks of head, heart, lungs, brain etc. whilst talking to us throughout. Until, that is she did the scan on his face.

At the point of scanning his face, her smile disappeared and she went quiet. I looked around the room at my wife, mother and mother-in-law and all three had the same look of worry as i did. The nurse then turned round and told us she thought he had a cleft and was going to get a consultant to have a look. 

I knew the signs to look for.

At the heart scan, we were called into the scanning room and the nurse applied the same device to Joshua as they did to my wife at the 20 week scan. It immediately found the heart and I found myself momentarily mesmerized at the sight of it beating away.

There was no smile. The nurse didn't speak. Neither did me or my wife.

Both of us wanted to ask the question "is it ok"? I know I did, and Im positive my wife did, but the nurses reaction made us both think we were not going to like the answer.

So we waited for, I would guess about 5 minutes, it felt like an hour. I think it was at the point that both my wife and I had leaned so far forward that our noses were almost touching the display (you know because we needed to see clearly before, we, ourselves made a diagnosis?) that the nurse noticed our distress and said "oh im sorry, you look worried, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong at all. Perfectly healthy".

I could have simultaneously kissed her and headbutted her in the face.

Turns out Joshuas heart has a tiny, teeny, itty bitty hole about 1mm in size. The majority of babies do and it closes on its own. The boy is, and will be fine. Hand on heart the best news i have ever, ever heard.

So thats all there is on that. We now wait until we get a letter for JJs first operation, it should be earlier than Xmas now that he has been given the all clear.

In terms of Joshua himself, his lordship and the future leader of the world has learned how to whinge. Not cry. Whinge.

I am absolutely positive that he has noticed that when he makes his "WAHHHHH" happen, that daddy bitch and mummy slave come running with cuddles and/or food. I'm absolutely convinced he has figured this out.

Being a clever little baby he now uses his "WAHHHH" at opportune times. Like, lets say, if you stop bouncing him for more than one second, or if you take the bottle out of his mouth for two seconds to clean his chin, or if you......actually he just uses it a lot.

Im sure all babies do this. And this, ladies and gents, is what separates the men from the ladies. I have the resolve to deal with a screaming baby for what seems like days. In reality the male of the species kids itself that this is the case, but in all actuality is counting the time in which he passes screaming baby to his partner.

Being a bloke I can also report that you believe you get less sleep than your partner, because you know, you are the man, and you work and stuff, and you have the inability to sleep at said workplace. Whilst the wife wiles away her maternity leave playing with baby, and sleeping when he does.

It was a bank holiday this weekend in the UK. Joshua "whinged" for the majority and thus I slept less than a pro-plus junkie on an all nighter. I pined for the working week to start.

All of this is a learning process. I learned the wife does a lot more than me. And tonnes more than I realised. I just write about it.

So I'm really thankful. Both to higher power I don't believe in, and the one I'm married to.

The wife and the boy....looking awesome