Cleft Lip Operation

I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. ~Author Unknown

Been a bit absent with the blog posts recently, mainly because the Cockburn household has been exceptionally busy with a certain future leader of the free worlds cleft lip operation and the moments that followed.

Ok so lets get down to it, tell the truth and shame the devil and all that. I was terrified of this operation. Deep pit of stomach churning terrified. The thought of little JJ being knocked out and going under the knife has been nagging at the very front of my man brain since the day his cleft was diagnosed at the 20 week scan.

You know its a somewhat irrational fear, you know its for the best, you know it must be done, but I swear to god there were points where if someone had given me and the wife the option of not doing the operation, we might have said not to.

I was mainly worried about my little dude being in pain after the operation, about how it would affect him eating and affect his general happiness in the weeks after the operation.

But weirdly another huge worry of mine was the fact that we couldn't feed him for 8 hours before the operation time. Now JJ likes his grub, and normally kicks off in a huge way after about 3 hours. The thought of having to force him to go 8 hours made me feel downright cruel, and I had visions of the little man literally screaming me deaf.

But of course, as I am fast learning, Joshua James Ian Cockburn is full of surprises, and is one tough little cookie.

The morning of the operation he didn't even wake up for a night feed, not a peep, not a murmur, He slept right through until we woke him at 5am. Surely he would now kick off? Nope.

That little boy didn't even cry once, until he was due to go down into surgery. And that was only because the operation start was 20 minutes late. Its like he knew.

So there he was, kitted out in his tiny teeny little surgical gown, and I was taking as many pictures as I could of his "wide smile" before it was gone forever. I will tell you now for all those mums and dads whose kiddys operations are looming, or for those whose children are yet to arrive. You will miss that smile.

I remember in the months before Josh was born seeing tonnes of posts about how they missed their child's cleft. I remember thinking how weird that sounded.

Well I get it, I totally and utterly get it. I miss his old smile heaps. Its what made Josh, Josh, and of course I love his new smile, but to me it was just as perfect before as it is now.

Anyway, the nurses came to collect us and we went down into theatre. The surgeons explained that they were going to put him out using gas first, and then anesthetic after we had left.

Now you have probably guessed from my previous posts, I like to think of myself as a bit of a blokey bloke. And blokey blokes don't cry or kick up a fuss.

I think my wife has seen me cry about 4 times in total in our decade of being together......well now its 5.

The sight of the little gas mask going onto his face and his little whimpers as he slowly fell to sleep was too much for me! But that's ok. We are all allowed off days.

We went back upstairs and went for a coffee and some breakfast and after what seemed like an eternity (it was two an a half hours) The wifes phone rang and we went into recovery.

This was the worst part of the whole day. Josh was very much in distress, obviously in pain and absolutely bloody starving. This is what as a parent I noticed first and foremost. I didn't even notice the lip repair for about 10 minutes whilst the wife tried to soothe our baby boy.

Josh eventually calmed down a little, and latched onto a bottle, a few sucks here, a few sucks there, With a little bit of frustration as he tried out his new laughing gear. He sank half the bottle and then stared up at me. That's when I noticed the repair.

These surgeons truly do amazing things.....and I cried a little again.

Josh fell asleep and we took him back upstairs to the ward, and I swear to god when he woke it was like a different child. The little guy was laughing, babbling and most of all smiling. It was his way of telling us he loved his new look.

That was it, Josh was off and nothing was going to stop him, he took back to his feed absolutely as normal, sinking a full 210mls and this trend continued for the full day we were there. He acted like nothing had ever happened.

In fact after the operation the worst episode we have had was a bit of tummy ache, which we are certain was brought on by the Ibuprofen solution, so we stopped giving him that after 3 days.

Josh has been fine, actually more than fine, hes been an incredibly happy little boy. The way he bounced back into his normal self has amazed me. But of course it shouldn't, because Josh continues to allay my fears at practically every turn.

After just over a week this is how it looks

These cleft babies are strong little things, whatever life throws at them they continue to smile. I think we could learn a lot from that.

JJ Looking awesome as ever....

The Date for the First Cleft Operation

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body ~ Elizabeth Stone.

So there I was, laying on my back, JJ in hands above my body, flying him around like an airplane He looked like he was enjoying it, well as far as a clearly terrified child could. The wife had just spotted this and was about to tell me to land him, before she landed me one when her phone rang.

From what the wife was saying to the unknown person on the other end of the blower, it became quickly apparent that she was being given dates for his lip operation. I had stopped flying Joshua so that I could listen, but had stopped him still in my outstretched arms directly above my face. When a stray bit of baby drool hit me in the eye I brought him back to earth.

The wife walked back in the door.

The Wife: "So that was the dates for his operation, he needs to go in on the....."

The sentence stopped there whilst my wife burst into copious amounts of tears. Then ladies and gentlemen, I did the only thing I could in order to console my clearly bereft wife. I mean there she was, visibly distraught at the fact our son and heir needed to undergo an operation. 

I laughed. I laughed a big belly laugh. 

At the time the thought of my wife crying over something we have known was going to happen for nearly a year was fairly amusing. At the time I thought my wife to be silly. But there again, at the time I was being a bit of a prick.

Now, almost a week after that phone call, I find myself getting very anxious about it all. Whilst I have known that it was going to happen, I had pushed it back in to the pits of my man brain and not really given it much thought as to what it entails.

I had only really thought of the operation itself. All really above board and straight forward. A group of extremely experienced surgeons are going to be doing the operation that they practice every day. I've seen the after pictures of hundreds of cleft babies on the forums I frequent, they all look amazing. Nothing to worry about. The boy wont even remember it.

Just look at this little face! LOVE!

What I didn't think about too much, was the thought of having to watch my child be knocked out, or starving him for 9 hours before the operation, the obvious pain my little champion among men will be in after the event or more to the point how different the little dude will look after the op. I mean he looks just bloody awesome as it is!

Now I find myself thinking about it a lot. I watch him smiling at me and giggling and feel awful about the fact we are going to consent to have him operated on and put in pain, despite the rational behind it. I feel like I am betraying his trust. 

And I would be a liar if I didn't admit its upsetting me the more I think about it. I've said before that Joshua needs the operations that lay ahead of him. Doesn't mean I need to embrace it.

But do it we must, some things in life are for the best, despite the pain they cause at the time. I'm sure if JJ had the ability to decide it would be a 100% yes. So I console myself with that. 

So October the 13th, the Cockburns are ready for you

But by god, Im not ready to lose his "wide" smile.

Joshua looking awesome, as ever

Please do comment below and let me and the wife know about your experiences with your childs ops. it would mean alot to get others experiences on the matter.