Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body ~ Elizabeth Stone.
So there I was, laying on my back, JJ in hands above my body, flying him around like an airplane He looked like he was enjoying it, well as far as a clearly terrified child could. The wife had just spotted this and was about to tell me to land him, before she landed me one when her phone rang.
From what the wife was saying to the unknown person on the other end of the blower, it became quickly apparent that she was being given dates for his lip operation. I had stopped flying Joshua so that I could listen, but had stopped him still in my outstretched arms directly above my face. When a stray bit of baby drool hit me in the eye I brought him back to earth.
The wife walked back in the door.
The Wife: "So that was the dates for his operation, he needs to go in on the....."
The sentence stopped there whilst my wife burst into copious amounts of tears. Then ladies and gentlemen, I did the only thing I could in order to console my clearly bereft wife. I mean there she was, visibly distraught at the fact our son and heir needed to undergo an operation.
I laughed. I laughed a big belly laugh.
At the time the thought of my wife crying over something we have known was going to happen for nearly a year was fairly amusing. At the time I thought my wife to be silly. But there again, at the time I was being a bit of a prick.
Now, almost a week after that phone call, I find myself getting very anxious about it all. Whilst I have known that it was going to happen, I had pushed it back in to the pits of my man brain and not really given it much thought as to what it entails.
I had only really thought of the operation itself. All really above board and straight forward. A group of extremely experienced surgeons are going to be doing the operation that they practice every day. I've seen the after pictures of hundreds of cleft babies on the forums I frequent, they all look amazing. Nothing to worry about. The boy wont even remember it.
Just look at this little face! LOVE!
What I didn't think about too much, was the thought of having to watch my child be knocked out, or starving him for 9 hours before the operation, the obvious pain my little champion among men will be in after the event or more to the point how different the little dude will look after the op. I mean he looks just bloody awesome as it is!
Now I find myself thinking about it a lot. I watch him smiling at me and giggling and feel awful about the fact we are going to consent to have him operated on and put in pain, despite the rational behind it. I feel like I am betraying his trust.
And I would be a liar if I didn't admit its upsetting me the more I think about it. I've said before that Joshua needs the operations that lay ahead of him. Doesn't mean I need to embrace it.
But do it we must, some things in life are for the best, despite the pain they cause at the time. I'm sure if JJ had the ability to decide it would be a 100% yes. So I console myself with that.
So October the 13th, the Cockburns are ready for you
But by god, Im not ready to lose his "wide" smile.
Joshua looking awesome, as ever
Please do comment below and let me and the wife know about your experiences with your childs ops. it would mean alot to get others experiences on the matter.
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